Monday, 15 November 2010

where's my life???

I've done this before so when deciding to try for a baby I knew exactly what to expect I had it all planned finish my degree, do a PGCE and find a job in teaching as well as look after a family.  I then thought we could maybe, finance (and Lee) allowing, try for a 3rd...BUT...then I had twins!  Childcare for 2 babies would be more than I could earn plus I'm not sure I could find the time to do a PGCE whilst looking after 2 babies, Holly, Lee, 2 cats and a house so for the time I have resigned myself to the stay at home Mum (SAHM) status,

I returned to work when Holly was 6 weeks old so have never experienced the SAHM status before and I was really looking forward to doing all the things I couldn't do with Holly however its not as fun as I thought, in fact its bloody boring!  for the first few weeks I thought Lee had it tough, going to work and missing out on all the cute things Max and Fia do however now I'm...can't believe I'm saying this...jealous!  I'm jealous he is getting a life, he speaks to adults daily and its not always about the babies, I'm jealous that he actually enjoys his job.  I'm angry that I don't, I'm angry that when he comes home he is too tired to help, I'm angry that I never get a break, I'm angry that my life is boring, I'm angry that I feel like this.

Here's the real crunch...if Lee and I had to swap roles, if I had to go to work and Lee stayed at home there is no way I would do it.  I just want a peak at life from time to time, an hour off a week would be great, for that one hour I would feel like me. 

I guess you can't have everything after all...

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